Airports have always been special to me. They are the first step of every flying trip as the obligatory exit point of the country. After going through security, you end up in this transition space where you can only go forward. My stomachs always fills up with butterflies as anticipation and fear overcomes me before the amazing journey that I am going to experience. Which city am I going to visit? Will I be able to meet people on the road? What will the food be like? Though, the question always in the back of my mind: Is this trip going to change me? Will it completely alter my life? Will I be able to live the same way when I return? As I sit there waiting for my plane, I’m overwhelmed by all those questions that I hope I’ll have answered when I reach the end of the adventures. Only one thing is certain, there is no backing down now.
First Round
My trip to Malaysia and Thailand changed a lot of things for me. My eyes were now open on a world I just wanted to experience. I discovered allot about myself in my interactions with everything that surrounded me. However, these changes were not easy to bring back with me.
During the return trip, in Tokyo’s airport, the only thought in my head was: Why am I coming back? I sat there in the empty terminal, thinking. How will I be able to continue with my job, my boring routine and my empty apartment? How can I go back to a country to which I have no attachment, except for my friends and family. I have so much to see, explore and discover. At that moment, I had nothing to look forward to. I brought all these feelings back with me to Canada. Two months after coming back, I was still struggling to find meaning. I couldn’t go through the post trip blues. Waking up in the morning asking myself why am I really here? Something had changed inside of me, and I realized it would never come back to the way it was before.
And then a friend made me a job offer. It was a 2 years project, so I needed to plan ahead. I had to seriously sit down and think about what I was going to do. Before that point, I wouldn’t have been able to answer if you asked me what was I going to do in the next 2 years. I never really looked that far ahead nor planned for it. In the end, I ended up refusing his offer, but I am not sure if he knows how much it helped me break out of one of the hardest moments in my life. This was the trigger I needed to start a couple of projects and learn a new language. Everything began to make sense again. I had found new motivations and I now had something to work for.
Second Round
From the beginning, I never planned my trip to India so I could discover myself. I thought I had achieved that on my last adventures in south east Asia. I had looked through my head and soul and found everything I needed. When I started to look back on this trip, my first thoughts were that I didn’t change that much. My aspirations and projects for the future were the same and I still had a goal to look forward to. As time went on and I continued to reminisce about my trip with my family and friends, I realized how wrong I was.
My way of looking at the world around me didn’t change that much, but now I think I understand a little more how I can be part of it. The people I met along the road opened my eyes on allot of things. This amazing community of travelers, from so many backgrounds, are like me just trying to live their life in their own way. Many of us still looking for a way to fit into this crazy world, unsatisfied with where we are right now. Wanderers looking for where we belong. I am not alone. It’s OK not knowing. We are searching for a landing spot, maybe to just take off again.
How did we reach this state of mind? Maybe it was triggered by discovering that the world is much bigger than us. That there is allot more than our small town, culture and way of living. It changes you. For me, this trip helped me understand and live with that change that started a year ago.
I don’t mind anymore that I can’t feel at home in my apartment. I’ll look for a new place to call home. I’ll always want to travel. I’ll just have to make everything work around this need. I will miss my family and friends when I’ll leave, but I will not let that stop me. Trips have to end at some point and I’ll have to come back to a certain routine. A job is just a job, I can find another one and work on the road if I wanted. So many things that I came to realize by exchanging with everyone on the road. Things that are now part of my way of life.
So what’s next? I move forward with plans to live abroad. I’ll keep travelling the world. And, you know what? Maybe I’ll never find the place I can call home and wander all my life. I’m OK with that. In the end, the experiences and the people I’ll share this adventure with will make wandering the place I belong.